


The Elephant

by CosmicBrownie



Series: Post-Season Two Hargreeves [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Number Five | The Boy, Drunk Sex, Drunken Flirting, Drunkenness, ENM, Kinktober 2020, M/M, NSFW, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Pool Table Sex, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Smut, Strip Games, Strip Tease, Stripping, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26981053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicBrownie/pseuds/CosmicBrownie
Summary: “Have you ever played pool?” Diego asked.Five rolled his eyes. “Yes.”Diego bit his lip. His eyes were glazed over with a layer of drunkenness. “Have you ever played strip pool, though?”Five paused.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Series: Post-Season Two Hargreeves [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969114
Comments: 12
Kudos: 152





	The Elephant

“What are you doing down here?” Diego asked, looking like a deer in the headlights. He gaped at the man approaching him, his footsteps growing nearer.

”I could ask you the same thing,” Five replied, approaching slowly. His hands were tucked into his pockets, his shoulders relaxed, and the calm, steady gaze of his eyes looking Diego up and down. He didn’t need to walk. He had powers of teleportation. Both Diego and Five knew that.

Diego stood, setting a key down on the covered table in front of him. “Well, certainly not slacking off from my responsibilities. I’m going through Dad’s things, of course, as I should be.”

Five cocked his eyebrow. “Right. And that’s why you have the key to the old man's liquor cabinet?”

Diego laughed, looking down at the key. “Oh, right. Yeah.”

The rest of the siblings were upstairs, each of them assigned to a room. The Hargreeves had decided to meet up together one day and go through the mansion to clean things up. The main goal was to find some things none of them wanted anymore, to sell. Diego had been tasked with the basement.

“Now, why are you down here?” Diego asked, confused. 

Five looked around the room, taking in all of the relics of the house that he didn’t even really know. Observing. He sighed, “I’m here to help. Luther suggested that I come check on you. The basement _is_ a pretty big job.”

”True that,” Diego agreed, letting out a dry laugh. His eyes followed Five’s, staring around the foreign room. “I haven’t even started.”

”Maybe that has something to do with the fact that you were busy trying to open Dad’s liquor cabinet and get wasted before making any progress.”

Diego looked down at the key again. “Hey, I just stumbled on this key, okay. Just wanted a peek.”

Five shrugged. His eyes were fixed on a bookshelf nearby. “Well, let’s see.”

”What?”

”Let’s take a peek,” he said, aloof as he looked at Diego. Diego smiled.

-

Diego grabbed the open bottle on the table, beginning to pour himself a second glass. He lifted it toward Five. “Another?”

Five shook his head. He was swirling what was left of his own glass in his hand, reclining on the chair with his legs crossed, a picture of class, besides his now slightly drunken expression. He and Diego had just begun small talk over a glass or two. Their eyes were fixed on each other, and something was thick in the air, besides the dust, like an elephant in the room that neither of them could define. 

Diego took a swig of his glass. "The new body is really different," he said out of nowhere.

Five looked up. Diego wasn't looking at him, but his words made him feel hot with attention. Maybe this was the elephant. He shyly brushed his bangs back. "Oh. Is it bad?"

"No," Diego replied immediately. "It looks...it looks good." He hastily brough the edge of the glass back to his mouth.

Five self-consciously patted his hair again. "Thanks," he said quietly.

Diego smiled at him. The conversation lulled. Five continued to stare around the basement. He could count all the times he’d been down there in his childhood on one hand. 

He cleared his throat. “What’s the vintage?” he asked, observing the liquid in his circular glass. He brought it to his lips and took another slow sip, eyes darting back up at Diego.

Diego grabbed the bottle, looking it over, then shrugged. “‘Dunno,” he chuckled. “Do you care?”

”No, not really,” Five lied. Wine tasting was one of the luxuries he missed in life, though he wasn’t afforded many the opportunity. He and Delores had probably found just about every wine cellar in the continent of North America. The Handler had a thing about wine, too. He had shared many a bottle in her office, and possibly even more on missions. There was something about it that he felt connected to. Something about it put him in a strange mood. This instance was no different.

He relaxed in his chair. "Just curious."

Diego downed the last of the wine from his glass, then set it down on the table. He reached for the bottle again.

”Are you going for a third? Diego, it’s been, like, what? Half an hour? Slow down,” Five warned, his tone stern.

Diego laughed. “Not all of us are short and thin, like you. I can handle it."

Five narrowed his eyes. “Oh, fuck you. I don’t want you to get carried away, is all. We have a job to do, remember?”

Diego waved his hand at him, reaching for the bottle again. Five jumped up, blinking over to his side and snatching it out of his hands. Diego jumped, startled, and the bottle slipped out of both of their hands. It spilled all over the cloth covering the table, creating a puddle of red before Five reached out and set it upright back on the table. 

Five groaned. “See what you did?” he hissed, grabbing the bottle and Diego’s glass and placing them gently on the table behind him. Diego scoffed.

”That was clearly your fault,” he huffed, yanking the cloth off. He pulled it off quickly, the dust kicking up into the air. Five hacked, stepping back.

As the now red-stained cloth pulled back, it slowly revealed beneath it a pool table. Diego and Five stared, surprised as they waved away the dust in the air from their faces. 

"Is that a pool table?" Diego asked.

Five crossed his arms. Sarcastically, he answered, "No."

Diego turned and made a face at him, then set down the cloth onto the floor. "I didn't know we still had this old thing down here," he mused, tracing his hand along the edge of the table as he began to walk around it. Five leaned over the table casually, saying, "I didn't know that we _ever_ had one."

Diego reached into one of the pockets and pulled out a ball, looking it over. He tossed Five the solid orange one perfectly, and Five caught it with one hand. The five ball. Diego looked in the next pocket, then the next. "All of the balls are here. Wonder where the cue sticks are, though."

Five looked at the ball in thought, then tossed it back to Diego, who suspended it mid-air before causing it to land in the pocket it formerly resided in. When Diego looked up again, he found that Five had blinked to the other side of the basement, near the old couch by the stairs, and was grabbing a long, thin black box. He blinked back over, then set it on the table.

"What's that?" Diego asked, coming up beside him. He leaned over Five's shoulder and noticed the way he flinched at the lack of space between them. Body tense, Five opened the box and revealed a set of cue sticks, two long and the others short. 

"How did you know those were there?" Diego asked. Five shrugged, his shoulders still tight with Diego leaning over him. "I saw this when I came down. Thought it looked like it would hold these," he answered, pulling one out.

“Have you ever played pool?” Diego asked, picking one up as well and lifting it to look it over.

Five rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’ve played pool. I’ve played it dozens of times.” He turned to Diego, whose face was close to his, and his piercing gaze softened.

Diego bit his lip. His eyes were glazed over with a layer of drunkenness, his breath smelling of wine, and he looked to be holding back something he wanted to say, or rather, ask.

Five lifted a brow. “What?”

”Have you ever played _strip_ pool, though?” His dark eyes looked up, then glanced barely at Five's lips.

Five paused.

He swallowed. “No.”

Diego turned the stick over in his hand, looking it over closely. "Huh," he said. "Interesting."

Five's breath hitched. Was this conversation really happening? 

"Have...have _you_ ever played strip pool?" he asked. Diego smirked.

"No, but I'd like to." He took a deep breath. "First time for everything, right?"

Five was quiet. "Why?"

Diego cleared his throat. He looked to be thinking about his answer carefully. He finally landed on, "More incentive. More to risk. Higher stakes. And everyone both loses and wins." 

Five pretended to be deeply studying the cue stick he was holding. "That's an interesting verdict."

"Plus," Diego said, low and husky, leaning in to Five. "It's super sexy."

Five licked his lips, staring at Diego's dark eyes. "What are you suggesting? That we-" He stopped short, and stole a glance and Diego's lips.

"Want to play?" Diego asked, and he leaned in further. Panicked by the broken space, Five blinked away to the other side of the table, still looking at Diego with big eyes. Diego looked startled. "I-“ he forced out, then stopped again. Diego waited in the silence, watching as Five sorted through his racing thoughts.

Five grabbed the cue ball out of one of the pockets. He tossed it to Diego, who stopped it midair again. It landed in the pocket in front of him with a clatter.

"Let's play," he decided.

-

After setting up all the balls, Diego had decided to take odds, and Five evens. They each took out their cue stick and chalked the end, dusted off the table and began.

"You wanna go first, odds?" Diego asked as Five set down the chalk. He bent down and positioned himself to hit the ball, practicing pushing the stick forward.

"Yes," he nodded in reply, straightening. "Although I know that technically means you get the first real turn." Diego chuckled as Five bent down and steadied the stick between his fingers, then pushed it forward.

With a series of smacks and clatters, the balls were all set in motion, fraying quickly across the table in different directions and into each other like bumper cars with force. Diego blinked at the spread as all of the balls took a short while to settle. “Quite the start,” he remarked. “You have a forceful hand.”

Five straightened, looking at Diego with a glint of challenge. “Well, your turn, Two,” he said as he eyed the blue ball on the table, which had rolled into close proximity of a pocket. Diego looked at the same ball, the corner of his mouth curving.

He walked to the other side of the table, watching that ball, and Five watching him. He lowered, eyeing the line between the cue ball and the one marked ‘2’. It was a perfect shot. He narrowed his eyes, then with his stick under his fingers on the table, pushed. As expected, the white ball made a beeline for the blue one, and as it collided, sent it flying into the pocket with a thud.

“Well,” Diego hummed with satisfaction as he looked at Five. “I do believe that’s a point for me.”

Five rolled his eyes. “I am aware. I do know how the game works, Diego.”

“On the contrary,” Diego said, his voice low as he looked Five up and down. “I think you forgot what game we are actually playing, Five.”

Five was quiet as he realized what Diego meant.

“I won a point. That means you strip something, Chief.”

To Five’s embarrassment, he felt himself begin to blush, and he knew his face was surely a lot less composed than he'd have liked it to be. "What?" he asked quietly.

Diego looked him up and down again, and his eyes felt like a brand on Five's skin, making his face hotter, and the other replied casually, "You know the rules. It's _strip_ pool. Now take something off." His eyes landed in his gaze, and they stayed there, dark and alluring and making Five's heart begin to race.

Five took a deep breath, then grabbed his blazer off of his shoulders, letting it slip off seamlessly. He smirked. "Fuck you."

"Oh, fuck you too. I mean come on, that's all? You're boring," Diego pouted, teasing. "Anyway, your turn."

Five shook his head and tossed his blazer over to the chair before beginning to stalk around the table, examining the layout of the balls as if it was an intense, important match, because to Five, it was. Now the game was on. He had to make a point out of this turn and get Diego back, and make him strip something too. He could feel Diego's eyes on him, too, prompting his mind to race.

 _Focus_ , he thought. _Sober up, you drunk_. His eyes landed on a ball not far from either the cue ball or a pocket. It was probably his best chance. If he hit it with enough force, it would surely go in. He found himself on the side he was on originally as he bent down and took position, setting his hand and the stick just next to the pearly white ball.

With another loud smack, the ball went violently rocketing forward, and pushed the white and yellow ball, the ninth one, shooting for the pocket. Then, to his surprise, it slowed and stopped just short of the edge.

"I thought you said that you were some kind of pool champ," Diego chuckled, clearly amused with Five's failure. Five's eyebrows furrowed, and his jaw wired as Diego brushed him aside. "My turn now," he said smugly.

Five stepped to the side, watching Diego's broad frame lean down and take aim. "Don't get cocky. I'm just warming up," he shot back.

"Hey," Diego laughed. "Don't get all upset about it, Champ." His hand jolted forward, and the cue ball flew forward into another, the green one, which was sent hurtling into a wall and then straight into a pocket with a thunk.

Five leaned over the table, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. "Nice shot," he complimented. "Almost _too_ nice."

Diego stepped forward, close to Five. When Five turned, their faces were only inches apart. "Are you saying I'm a cheater?" he asked seriously, though he was smiling. "I'm not."

"Are you sure about that? That was quite the angle, Kraken," Five said back, unintimidated by Diego's breach of his space, but annoyed by the fact that he had to incline his chin to look up at him, straight into his darkening, drunken eyes.

And there it was again. That elephant in the room. Something was there in the silence and the dusty air of the basement.

"Well, I'm playing this game fair and square. Now, strip," Diego said finally, licking his lips. 

Five swallowed, still looking up at him with big eyes. "Hm?"

"I won again. Now, take something off," said Diego plainly. Five noticed how his eyes darted down to his shirt, and he felt his heart start to beat faster again.

Another moment. Another elephant.

Smiling cheekily, he loosened his tie and tossed it off of his head to the chair where his blazer already lay. Diego's face looked genuinely disappointed. "Patience. I'm not in a hurry," he said quietly, then broke away, the tension rising from that moment of broken space between them over. Diego felt winded. 

Five bent down, closing an eye and honing in on the cue ball, which had ended up near the yellow and white ball at the edge of a pocket, saying "Besides, I'm going to win this."

He pushed the cue stick forward in his fingers, and the ball flew forward, but unexpectedly, it missed the ball, hitting instead the wall to the left of it. Five shot up, scoffing, "Hey! You are _definitely_ cheating, now. No powers!"

"Am not. Screw you," Diego fired back, shaking his head. "How much have you actually played pool?"

"A lot," Five lied. "I'm just rusty, alright? Where did you learn to play? I know Dad didn't teach you guys how."

"He didn't," Diego confirmed. "Didn't ever let us touch this thing. I learned in bars, at parties and at a friends house. Got pretty good."

"Without cheating?" Five tucked his hands in his pockets, tilting his head in observation. Diego laughed.

"Without cheating."

"Yeah? Prove it," Five challenged, dimple carving into his rosy cheek.

Diego bent down, taking position at an angle to hit the cue ball. "I will," he answered quietly, cue stick shooting forward and smacking into the ball, which flung into another purple and white one, which hit the purple four ball into the middle pocket.

"This is all too fucking lucky," Five groaned, looking down in amazement at the ball that had fallen in. 

"Hey, you know what that means," Diego said to him with a wink.

Five flushed. He had to either discard his pants or his shirt now, he realised quickly as he stared down at his remaining clothes. His breathing slowed to a stop as he bit his lip and began to fidget with the top button. Diego's eyes were burning holes into him now. He undid the first button, then the next. 

Then he stopped, remembering. 

He still had socks on.

He stopped unbuttoning his shirt with a smirk, bending down instead to reach down for his sock and begin to peel it off of his feet.

Looking off guard, Diego said, "Hey, wait. New rule."

Five looked up, interested. 

Diego stepped toward him. "Winner chooses what comes off."

Five stared with big eyes, standing up again. "That's bullshit. You can't make new rules."

"I think I just did," Diego joked, pretending to be thoughtful. He stepped close to live, then locked his finger in one of his belt loops, giving it a small tug. "I pick the pants. Off."

" _Nn_ , getting impatient already?" Five asked from up close, not quite sure what it meant to this game of theirs. He would have to face the big fat elephant if he wanted to find out. Diego let out a short laugh, then tugged again. 

"Alright, I get it," he bit out, slipping his hands beneath the waistband of his pants and pulling out his shirt. Five stared at Diego's face as he watched closely below them as Five began to slip his pants down his legs, inch by inch. Gradually, his pale, slender legs were revealed to Diego in the dim light of the basement as he stepped out leg after leg.

Diego was looking at him so strangely. Five couldn't repress it. The elephant was stomping all over the room, now. It wasn't repressible. I mean, they were already playing stip poker, weren't they?

"Alright," Five breathed out, discarding the pants to the chair with his blazer and tie. "My turn, now," he said with narrow eyes and a collected tone that he managed to muster.

He walked around the table, now aptly aware of how his own body moved, and how it might look to Diego. 

He looked at each of his options, considering each possibility for his round. He decided on, after a moment of thought, the orange ball near Diego. He bent down in front of him, making a show of arching his back and lifting his ass in the air toward Diego, though he didn't want him to realize that's what he was trying to do. He raised his shoulders, readying his stick on his hands with precision and hoping internally that a certain someone was staring.

Then all of a sudden, he jumped, yelping as a body pressed against him from behind. The larger form pressed against his ass and curled around his shoulders, an arm reaching around to grab his. Five felt his breath against his neck and went tense. "Wh-wh-what are you doing?" he gasped, breath hitching as he realized the small bulge nudging into the cleft of his ass.

"Your form is all wrong," Diego mumbled low into his ear, hot breath ghosting his neck, and Five realized just how close he was to his own face with a sharp inhale. "Here," he said, grabbing Five's elbow and shoulder, pushing them down slightly and soothing them. "Relax. You'll have better momentum. You're so tense." 

Five could have sworn he heard a teasing chuckle at the end of his words, and he could tell that Diego _knew_ what he was doing. He swallowed as the larger man then grabbed both of his hands from around him and gently took a practice push.

"See?" he hummed. "That's better. Try that."

Five nodded, unsure of what to say due to the fact that he couldn't conjure a usual witty, sarcastic remark about how he already knew how to hold his stick fine, or how he should be giving Diego lessons, or something like that. He took a deep breath and another practice push without Diego's hands there, though the ghost of his touch remained, as Diego murmured in approval. "Good," he said quietly into Five's ear, and Five wondered why he was still pressing against him, his arms perched around either side of his waist. In any case, it was causing him to lose focus and his underwear to grow tighter.

"What's the matter, Five? Getting overwhelmed?" Diego asked cockily, pretending to be oblivious as Five realized he'd spent a long moment there, bent over the table and trying to steady his breathing and relax as his dick began to stir, Diego's increasingly apparent hardness there rubbing against him. Five regretted that he'd worn such tight boxers that night.

Or maybe he really didn't.

"I'm...fine," Five managed, his voice breathy. Diego leaned in again, breath warm on his ear and the smell of wine apparent. Five's dick was aching now, and he was growing turned on out of his fucking mind, but he had to make this shot. He just might not have the focus to do so.

Five then felt, with a jolt of surprise, a hand on his ass. It squeezed, feeling him unashamedly as he yelped. Diego pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. "What did I say about relaxing? Now take the shot. You're ready," he mumbled.

Five then realized what this was really about. He was _purposely_ distracting him. _This asshole_ , he thought.

"This, ah, isn't working," he lied.

Diego pressed another kiss to his neck. "You sure about that?" he asked against his skin as his hands floated to his hips and waist. Five bit his lip and closed his eyes. His dick was certainly responding now.

 _Well_ , he thought. _Two can play at that game._

He pushed back suddenly on the tent in Diego's pants, arching his back more and moaning like a porn star, mouth open and his face surely debauched. Diego let out a groan in response, his hips jutting forward involuntarily and his eyes closing. "Fuck," he cursed under his breath, fingers tightening on Five's hips.

 _Smack_.

Five had hit the ball, latching onto Diego's moment of weakness and incoherence to push his stick forward without him reacting. Miraculously, the ball it hit went zooming into the pocket.

"Funny how that works when there's not a _cheater_ messing me up," Five muttered, blinking away from under Diego to the other side of the table. He pulled his shirt down and moved forward to allow the table to obscure his own stiffening erection. Diego took a deep breath, shaking his head and laughing from the other side of the table. Five hated how handsome that cursed smile looked on his chiseled face.

_Go away, elephant._

"Guess it's your turn now," Five said smugly, leaning against his cue stick like a walking stick. His dimple was the pinnacle of his proud expression. Internally, he was overjoyed that he could finally pick on Diego now for a change.

Diego pulled up his cue stick. "Oh, right."

"No, Diego." Five rolled his eyes. "Your turn to _strip_. Did you forget what game we're playing?" he teased, a subtle call back to what he had said earlier. "And guess what?"

Diego swallowed, jumping back a little as Five blinked right in front of him, looking up with daring, piercing eyes. "I get to choose what you take off. Remember? New rule."

"Jesus," Diego breathed out. "You're scary, sometimes. Alright, what will it be?"

Five ignored his comment about him being scary, instead humming as he stood back and looked Diego up and down. "The shirt can go," he finally decided, eyes narrow.

Diego let out a short, breathy laugh that could've been taken with as light-hearted surprise or a bittersweet, self-conscious huff, or both. Shamelessly, he grabbed the end of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, exposing his abs and chiseled pecs with it in one swift movement. Five stared, equally unashamed, most likely due to the drunkenness lining his eyes and making his mind feel dizzy, but also due to how much he wanted to run his hands down it.

"Like what you see?" Diego laughed tipsilly and posing, and Five hated how it made him grow hot. Unable to form something smart to say, he simply rolled his eyes and grabbed Diego's cue stick, handing it back to him, then blinking away again.

"Alright, prepare to lose those cute little boxers, Five," he smirked, leaning down and examining with one open eye the possible targets he had in range of the cue ball. Five's eyes widened from the other side of the table.

"My underwear? Why not at least my shirt first?" Five wondered, confused. Diego simply shrugged in return.

"Maybe you're right. I'm impatient."

"You can be more patient than you let on," Five observed cooly, tilting his head again.

Diego hit the cue ball, and sent two or three more scattering across the table. "I don't want to right now, though," he said simply, the two of them watching as one of the balls fell into a corner pocket with a clink, landing on another. "Now, underwear. Off."

"So demanding," Five tried to joke, though his voice was low and breathy. He set the cue stick down carefully, leaning against the pool table. "Jesus."

Diego sat, looking him up and down, silent and watchful. "Go on," he said, licking his lips.

Five held his breath, his fingertips gently floating up to his boxers, pulling up his shirt with his hands as he tucked his thumbs beneath the waistband. He then began to tug the fabric off, shyly exposing himself as Diego watched, staring with hungry eyes. His face was burning, hot to the touch. He was surely blushing visibly now. He brought the boxers down his legs, then to his ankles, and stepped out of them. 

"Atta-Boy," said Diego, eyes fixed downward.

Five pulled his shirt down, trying to cover his decency and retain some dignity still. "My eyes are up here," he grumbled. Diego laughed, which made Five's stomach flutter like never before. He blamed it on the alcohol.

"Alright, my turn," he said, moving around the table and examining the balls. When he was on Diego's side, the man began to ogle his ass and legs, and Five's crimson blush deepened. Five tried not to notice the fact that the bulge in Diego's jeans remained.

"You know, Five," Diego said drunkenly. "You're pretty as fuck, now. Not that you weren't a cute kid. But now you're fucking _hot_. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Five stared at him, blinking. The Handler had told him that. Delores used to sometimes. She said he put himself together well. Once, when they were younger, she had told him he was the most attractive man on the earth. But considering the fact that he was the last man on the earth, the compliment hadn't had a lot of weight to it.

But a man Five had met at a club last week had done the same. Five met him when he was taking his new, age-appropriate body out for a test run after he'd figured out the calculations for achieving that age. He approached Five at the bar and told him that he was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen, and asked for his number. Five told him he had no number to give. The man had then laughed at Five for only a second or two, and in a angry panic, Five had blinked out of the club and never returned since.

_Fucking elephant._

"Maybe," he decided to say, acknowledging how long he had left the open silence following Diego's drunk compliment. He looked away. "Shut up."

"No, I mean it," Diego said, slurring slightly.

"Wait a damn minute, Diego," Five said seriously.

"Hey, I'm trying to tell you how cute you are, Five. Don't be rude."

Five scooped a ball out of the corner pocket and furrowed his eyebrows. "No, your catcalling can wait. What is this?"

Diego looked slightly confused. "The ball that I just hit. Why?"

"It's seven."

"Hm?"

"It's the number seven. That's an odd number. I'm odds. You hit my ball in."

"Oh...so?" asked Diego.

"So, that point should be mine," FIve explained in annoyance.

Diego paused. " _Oh_."

"So now you have to strip," Five said proudly. "It's my point."

Diego looked like he was thinking hard about it. "I guess."

"And I choose your pants," he grinned.

Diego waved his hands out in front of him, shaking his head. "Woah, woah, woah. Hold on there. You can't take off pants..." he said slowly, his hands floating down to his belt. "...before the belt. Sorry, Five, no show yet."

Five scoffed, looking down at his belt. "God damn it, fucking-" He moved forward, grabbing his belt and impatiently tugging it out of the loops and off of his jeans.

"Now who's impatient?" Diego smirked as Five tossed his belt to the side. Diego reached down and cupped the other's ass in his hand again, and Five let out a small, guttural noise of pleasure.

"You know what? I am," Five breathed out, stepping even closer to Diego so that he had to tilt his chin up to look him in the eye. "Let's just skip to the end. Please."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Diego laughed.

"Yes you do. Come on. The fucking elephant!"

"The what?"

Five blushed. "I mean-nevermind. Take your turn," Five groaned out in exasperation, blinking to the chair on the other side of the dark room and sitting down. He crossed his arms and his legs after tugging his shirt down. Diego laughed again, shaking his head at Five. He clearly loved when he got hot and bothered. Steam was practically coming out of his ears.

"Alright, whatever you say," he said, leaning down and pointing his cue stick at the ball. He glanced at Five for a moment before taking the shot, and his gaze caught on his exposed collarbones, then his blushing, pretty face.

The stick pushed forward, but only barely, and the cue ball flung forward, but not hard enough. It barely even made contact with the black ball Diego was trying to hit, and they clicked against each other only barely. That should have been easy. The pocket was only half a foot away at best.

"Damnit," he cursed under his breath. "Fucked that up."

Five's eyes were glazed over and calm, his face unreadable as he rose from the chair. He strode over to the table silently before leaning over it as Diego watched. Making eye contact with him, Five grabbed the eight ball and slowly dropped it into the pocket DIego had meant for it to go into.

"What are you doing?" Diego asked, quiet and confused.

Five bit his lip. "Looks like you won another point, Diego. You know what that means..."

Diego's eyes widened as Five began to undo his shirt buttons from top to bottom, still making eye contact with Diego and now beginning to walk over to his side. He fumbled on each button, knowing he was clearly drunk and a little disheveled with his rosy cheeks and slightly vacant expression, but also clearly turned on out of his mind by the idea of stripping for Diego. Diego looked equally aroused by Five's slow strip, too, though.

When Five reached the last button, he had also reached Diego, and he let the shirt drop elegantly off of his shoulders. Diego broke away from his gaze to let his eyes trail down. The part of his lips was the most erotic thing about the situation.

Diego swallowed. "You're hard."

Five looked down at his own self and realized that Diego was right. He was. His prick was diamond hard, and stood at attention in the air. It begged to be touched, stirring even more with DIego's eyes on him like a brand. He resisted the urge to cover himself up.

Five looked up at Diego. "I am."

Diego met his eyes, and Five recognized in the other's a glint of lust.

"You are too," he said, stepping forward and grabbing the bulge in his pants with a squeeze. Diego inhaled sharply, his lips now agape. Five ran another down his chest, feeling his abs freely. "What do you want to do about it?" Five licked his lips and tilted his head up at Diego, blinking prettily.

Diego leaned forward and desperately connected their lips in a deep kiss.

-

"Feels like I've waited forever for this, fuck..." Diego breathed out. He had Five laid against the table like before when he was "fixing his posture", this time, both undressed. His dick, rock hard in his hand, was pushing into him slowly. Five whined, his mouth open and his hands balled up into fists. His back arched, and he was panting breathlessly. Diego grabbed firmly onto the other’s hips as he pushed his whole length in, Five's ass settled against him, before he pulled back out, Five biting his lip and biting back a moan. His knuckles were turning white.

"You doing okay?" Diego leaned in and asked into his ear, concerned.

"You're...you’re big..." Five breathed out. "But I'm okay."

Diego exhaled, somewhat in relief, somewhat in arousal at the praise, and pushed back in again, faster now. Five's lips pressed together as tightly as his eyes were shut and his eyebrows were creased as Diego did, a hand clapping over his mouth as a high whine escaped him.

"Hey, don't do that, I wanna hear you, angel," Diego mumbled, taking Five's arm away from his face. He pulled back out, then slammed in again, and Five let out a moan, shivering gorgeously.

" _Christ_ ," he muttered under his breath. "Jesus, fuck."

"You ever been fucked before?" Diego asked, beginning to build a pace. Five turned back a little, opening his eyes and glancing at Diego, giving him his answer. "Oh," he breathed. "This your first time then?"

"Shut up," Five groaned, turning away to hide his blush. "I'm not a virgin, you know."

"I didn't say that," Diego said softly. "I just want to know if I really need to show you a good time. Make the first time I fuck you the most special ‘cause it’s your first."

Five moaned, Diego beginning to fuck him harder and deeper. " _F_ - _first_ time you fuck me?" he managed to ask.

"Oh yeah, darling," Diego groaned, thrusting faster into Five, beginning to grow consumed with lust. His words were slurred by the alcohol. "I'm gonna fuck you again. Maybe I'll have you ride me. Maybe I'll suck your dick. Maybe we'll do this again, right here on the pool table."

Five gasped, his dick twitching. He was so desperate for contact now. His legs were practically trembling. Diego was beginning to thrust into him in earnest, now, and Five was rocking back and forth with each. Every time Diego slammed into him, hitting his prostate, Five moaned and shivered all over. Diego groaned, feeling himself come close.

Then suddenly, he pulled out.

"Hey-" Five began to say, annoyed, before Diego spun him around and lifted him onto the table.

"I wanna see your pretty face, baby," he said, and pressed him shoulders down onto the table. He lined his dick up again, and eagerly pushed back in. Five's head flew back, his face growing overwhelmed again, and Diego looked hungrily over the sight of him laid out across the table. "God, look at you," he mumbled. "You're so goddamn pretty, I'm so lucky to see you like this."

Five resisted the urge to cover his face, which he knew was blushing and surely debauched. He wanted only Diego to have this part of him. Only Diego could see this.

Soon the pace began to build again, until Five was a mess, moans and short shouts falling from his lips. He had his legs spread and one hooked around Diego's back, Diego with his arms at either side for balance, hips jerking deeply into Five. With every thrust, Five and Diego began to grow louder, and their movements more desperate and on edge.

"Diego, diego!" Five moaned, high and whining, his leg and hands hooked around Diego. "I'm-"

"I know baby," Diego panted, grabbing a hold of his dick and beginning to stroke it. Five practically melted at the touch. "Come on."

Five came, shuddering, followed by Diego just after.

\- 

"Can I tell you something?" Five asked, laying across Diego lazily. Five had blinked the two of them over to the old couch by the stairs where he had found the box of cue sticks. Diego was petting his hair, and Five was circling a finger across his chest. Diego turned. "Yes?"

"I actually haven't played pool before," he admitted quietly, his voice hoarse from the wine and the moaning and shouting.

Diego paused. "What? Really?"

Five looked up at him.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Well," Five explained. "I haven't actually played with anyone besides just myself, and Delores. I learned how to in the apocalypse from a book. There was a pool table in this basement of this house that was still standing. Delores and I stayed there for a while, and I played a lot of pool for fun, but...I only had myself to play with."

"What about when you were a time-travelling assassin?" Diego asked curiously. Five flinched a little, his expression changing at the word 'assassin'.

He thought for a moment. With a short, drunk laugh, Five said "I've done a plethora of interesting things during my time at the commission. I once rode a boat out to Alcatraz and pretended to be a guard. I met Marilyn Monroe in 1961. She's actually cool, by the way. I've been to too many wild Hollywood parties to count. I killed Thelma Todd. I've seen a dinosaur. And, god, that's not even the half of it. One time, I saw this woman at a space station training a goddamn monkey that I _swear_ looked just like Mom."

Diego chuckled. "The woman or the monkey?"

Five seemed to forget where he was going with this.

Diego reminded him. "So you would bomb a game of never have I ever, but you've never played pool with anyone?"

Five was quiet. "Yeah, I guess."

"Guess I became your first for two things tonight, then," Diego chuckled.

"I told you, I'm not a virgin!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Diego laughed as Five hit him on the arm.

There was a moment between them. A comfortable silence.

"Can I tell you something, too?" Diego asked.

Five looked up at him again. Diego laughed. "I..." he looked away. "I really was cheating. I was using my powers, like, the whole time."

Five gasped, sitting up. "I fucking knew it!"

-

"So, what did you two find down there?" Allison asked them when they came up for dinner. Something about her was off.

Five and Diego looked at each other, Diego flashing Five a look, then back at their sister. "Not really," Diego answered.

"Did you have fun?" Klaus asked, grinning at them suspiciously.

Five glared at him. "While we were cleaning and sorting? We had a blast."

Klaus looked away, still smiling. Something about the way they were all acting was strange as they took their seats at the table. Klaus and Allison exchanged a glance, and Luther was quiet. Vanya was just looking between them, as if trying to see something there. Something was apparent in the room, but wasn't being addressed as they all quietly began to eat.

Five sighed as he blinked into his seat.

_God fucking damn it, elephant._


End file.
